Adoption... The Court Hearing

So now my husband and I knew which child we were going to adopt. Or rather, the adoption agency knew exactly which child we were going to adopt, and we just knew a name at this point. I remember my emotions ranging from one end of the spectrum to the other. One minute I was elated and the next scared out of my mind!! Not only had I never had children, but I was also pregnant and was going to be flying to Russia twice; another country and a place I had never been.
I was told several things regarding the Russian judge and how he might not think too kindly of me because I was already pregnant and adopting another child (we were told they usually only have one child per family in their country). So, for the first trip I was told to hide the pregnancy and to continue to do so.
The second trip was the actual adoption via showing up for court in front of a Russian judge. When we got there for that trip the idea of hiding the pregnancy was re-thought by the adoption agency. They decided it was probably going to be okay if we told the judge the truth. It was translated by the adoption agency counter-part in Russia that I was pregnant and the judge was okay with it.
I was so terrified he would not okay the adoption because of the baby, however.
It all worked out, though, and we were proud, happy new parents!
At the time, I remember, we were with two other adoptive families and one had already adopted several times from Russia. They knew the drill, obviously. Each family (couple) goes into court separately, and the adoption agency translator is already in there along with the judge and the court reporter. A bunch of things are said in Russian, a few questions are asked of us, we answered, more things are said in Russian, we were nodded at and sent out of the room.
It was not at all like I pictured it to be. Our child was never there. She was still at the orphanage the entire time. When we left the court room, I still didn't know if the adoption was granted to us or not. I had to ask the family who had been through the process several times if we were new parents or not. They asked us if we heard a particular phrase in Russian said. I told them, "yes, I think." And they told us congratulations we were new parents! It was so weird that no one in Russia seemed happy for us at all! It was just another day in court to them! Very strange! Russians are a very stoic people, too. In America we are the opposite! It is the beginning of a life and a new family no matter the age at which you adopt the child! It is a joyous occasion!
The biggest feeling for me at this point was relief because I was sooo worried if the adoption was going to go through or not. We were prepped that the adoption may not go through due to the pregnancy, and when I couldn't understand anything that was being said during the court hearing, I was really scared! I felt so much relief and felt so calm at this point, I was ready to go pick up my daughter!
The first trip we met and visited with her went a little different than I had expected and hoped for, but I still couldn't wait to go get my little girl! That trip when we met Kallie, I felt like she connected with my husband but not really with me. It really hurt me and I was a little worried we wouldn't connect, but I figured I just needed to give the relationship time.
I remember from the first trip that all she wanted to do was play with my husband. I was really happy for them, but it was hard on me because being pregnant I couldn't physically play the same way they were playing. For some reason I thought we would be adopting this child who would so desperately want a mother-figure and would glom onto me and want hugs and cuddles and such. But, it was nothing like that. All she wanted was to be played with. She wanted nothing to do with being cuddled. And, when I tried to play with her, she didn't seem to want anything to do with me or the way I could play with her so she would go back to my husband. It was really hurtful. I wanted her to want a mother but she just wanted a play-mate. I know it shouldn't have been about me, but I guess I had inflated expectations. As I'm sure others of you out there know, we can't ignore our own feelings as the parents.
I'm sure I was more sensitive from being pregnant. But, I also know I had a ton of ideas in my head of what this adoption was going to be like and certain expectations, and all of my ideas in my head were failing! My dream was already wavering. I was getting a tad worried already. But, I put all that aside knowing I had only just met her once. Did any of this mean anything?
I knew that when I had to leave her at the orphanage between the first and second visit it was one of the most emotionally painful things I have ever had to do. It tore my heart out. I had to leave my beautiful baby with someone else whom I didn't even know. Was I going to see her again? What if they didn't let us get her next time? What if this was just a game and now they got our money but they wouldn't let us have our daughter? I cried sooo hard at the hotel that night before we left to go back to the States. How could I leave my baby in another country? It tore me up!

It got even more tumultuous when we picked up *Kallie after the adoption when it should have been one of the happiest days of our lives!
Stay tuned for that story next....