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Everyone is welcome here. It is an open format to discuss your feelings without judgment. If you have come to judge or say something unkind to adoptive parents, please leave now (yes, I said everyone was welcome, with one exception, however). Thank you.

Otherwise, thank you so much for coming! I cannot tell you how much I appreciate your comments and feedback. I started this blog to help other adoptive parents not to feel as isolated and alone in their feelings, as I did for so many years. With this blog, I hope to bring together the adoptive community as one. This is so we do not feel so alone and judged as we so many times do; even from ourselves. Please stay, relax and enjoy yourself. If at any time you feel judged, please let me know. Again thank you for coming.

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Saturday, March 6, 2010

The Birthday Party

Okay, so I decided I couldn't just stay with the idea of only telling the back story of the adoption, or the story from the beginning, and not tell any of what is going on currently. So, this story is from today...
I was glad to find out recently that I wasn't the only adoptive parent who was having "crazy-making" things happening to them! Not that I want others to be going through any of the heart-break that I am, but I know that others are, so I was thanking God that we could comrade together so that none of us feel so isolated and alone. I know that is how I felt for soooo long. So isolated and so alone. It is terrible to feel that way. I am just now starting to come out of that cocoon and trust people with our stories little by little. At first when I told people about what things Isabella was doing, I got so many people telling me I must be imagining things, I must be crazy, I saw it wrong, she's too sweet to do anything like that, and so many more things that just drew me further into a hole!
A good example of what I am talking about was today's events. I warned Isabella last evening that I was going to need her help today to get ready for her sister Ava's birthday party. Ava just turned 5 and it was her first party that we had with friends her age. Prior to that it had just been family at her party's. So, it was a very special party for all of us. But, quietly Isabella wanted to sabotage it because it wasn't her special day. So, EVERYTHING I asked Isabella to do from the moment we awoke until Ava's friends arrived at 2:00pm she did the opposite of. And when I would ask her what she was doing, she would just stare at me or say, "what do you mean?". I mean all of you out there know how much work it is to get ready for a birthday party; clean the house, decorations, cake, food, drink, crafts and activities and so much more! Even after Ava's friends were over I would ask Isabella for something so easy and she would say okay and just not do it just to see me get upset in front of Ava's friends. All day she was an angel for everyone else, but she was doing everything she could to upset me because she knew it was a day that was special. I was looking forward to it as well, because I was so happy for Ava. That is the stuff that kids like Isabella thrive on because they love to push the buttons of their mother and do anything they can to provoke them on a day they know is special. Or, at least that is Isabella's area of expertise; along with many other things!
Then I have family members who tell me this is typical kid stuff! Ha! Never! Not when this is coupled with everything else that happens around our house (Isabella hiding my stuff all the time, hurting her sisters at times, lying CONSTANTLY, the list goes on and on). I am not trying to throw Isabella under the bus. I know she didn't get the love she needed as a baby/ child. But, it is also very difficult when I have been her mother for 5 1/2 years and things are the same if not worse. And, she told me close to two weeks ago now that she likes to see me hurting! What am I supposed to do with that?!?! As her mother, someone who loves her and has tried so hard, what do I do now? It makes it very difficult to keep giving to a person who likes to see you hurt! That is like staying in an abusive relationship with a man. Not that woman don't do that sometimes. I made that mistake with a boyfriend about 16years ago. Whoah, that just made me feel really old!
Okay, I need to stop having a pity party for myself.
Do any of you out there have any stories you want to share about tough times you have been having? Or, anything else that you want to share is great, too!

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